By Tammy Malewski, Marketing and Fund Development Director, Valley VNA

Seniors are the fastest growing internet and social media users today. They typically use it to reconnect with people from their past, bridge generational gaps, and find online support for people living with chronic diseases. Their children, grandchildren, and caregivers have unlimited access to advice and information on how to help their loved ones age safely and gracefully. This week is National Assisted Living Week, and the theme is “Keep Connected.”

At the same time, in a world where it’s easy to get lost in our screens and devices, the personal connections our staff and volunteers form with our residents are unbreakable. Those we care for truly become family. What’s fascinating is how many of them have made significant contributions to our communities and our country as nurturing parents, military heroes, entrepreneurs, public servants, and more. Every day we learn from their personal stories and unique personalities.

Staying connected means uncovering opportunities for joy and support in our lives and sharing that insight with others. And who doesn’t get a thrill out of an unexpected letter delivered via the good old U.S. Postal Service? This week staff and residents gathered to write traditional paper-and-pen cards and letters to people they love. That’s wisdom that can really only come from the generations before us!

During National Assisted Living Week, everyone at Valley VNA has a chance to pause and thank our residents and their families for enriching our lives. Being connected to you makes our lives richer and more meaningful. Thank you for inviting us to be part of your family.

To get connected with our team at Valley VNA, please call (920) 727-5555.

By Julia Ryan, Valley VNA Food Service Coordinator

Valley VNA has its share of active gardeners. Many of our residents had large family gardens from which they harvested and preserved food for the winter. Some of them nurtured showy flower gardens, and others farmed for a living. It’s a joy to still see them working on the raised beds in the courtyard garden and celebrating their harvests.

Watching residents enjoy gardening got me thinking about how we can stay connected to “real” food at any stage in our lives if we make it a priority. Residents at Valley VNA have a lot of choices when it comes to preparing their own meals or signing up for a meal plan. We create menus in eight-week cycles and many of our best dishes are resident requests! Here’s some food for thought for staying connected to “real” food:

Frequent the farmer’s market. Set aside $10 a week for the farmer’s market and don’t leave until you (or your personal shopper) has spent every penny on fresh food. It’s a license to spend money on yourself in a healthy way, and you will be more likely to try a new fruit or vegetable if you truly have to “spend it all in one place.”

Don’t dip with a chip. Try your favorite dip with sliced cucumbers, radishes, celery sticks, baby carrots, or red and green bell peppers.

Hard-boil eggs ahead of time to grab and go. Steam, not boil, four or six at a time for 12 minutes. They’ll peel like a dream and you can grab one at a time right out of the fridge.

Take a mug shot – rather, a shot at filling a mug with nuts, mini carrots, and cherry tomatoes. Choose a vessel that fits into your vehicle’s cup holder to munch while doing errands or visiting friends.

Make a toast. Then spread it with peanut or almond butter, or substitute apple slices for the bread.

Don’t go nuts with your portions. If you want some chips or nuts, don’t eat from the bag. Count out a serving, and put the bag away.

Freeze grapes and grab a handful out of the freezer when you have a hankering for something sweet.

Get canned. Canning and preserving food is making a comeback as urban homesteaders strive to return to more basic and wholesome food production. If you still have your canning equipment, show your kids and grandkids how it’s done. Or join them on canning day at their house to share tips and talk about those busy days in the kitchen when you were young helping get the garden in the jar.

Would you like to learn more about our meal plans and dining options at Valley VNA? Or our residents’ garden plots? Please call us at (920) 727-5555 to ask more questions or request a tour.

By Colleen Harvot, Director of In-Home Care, Valley VNA

Researchers have proven caring for a spouse between ages 66 and 96 can increase a caregiver’s risk of death by 63 percent compared to people the same age who are not caregivers.¹ You are not imagining things when you feel significant mental and emotional strain in your caregiving role!

The stress and fatigue is the result of two separate factors: the actual effort expended in the act of giving physical and emotional care, and the set of values and assumptions we personally hold about the vocation of caregiving. You are adding a heavy burden to your shoulders when you try to do it all. Perhaps you believe:

• It’s a sign of weakness to ask for help.
• Our family cares for its own.
• If I want to age gracefully at home, I need to pay my dues.
• I am the only one who can do it right.

A well that runs dry quenches no thirst. Refill your well with some simple steps toward better health for you. Everyone around you, including yourself, will feel refreshed. Try these ideas:

• Take a ten minute walk in the fresh air three times a day.
• Set a standing coffee date with a friend.
• Arrange a relaxation corner in your bedroom with your favorite book, some devotional reading, a candle, a comfortable chair, and a coaster for your tea cup. Retreat there twice a day to recharge.
• Go ahead, go out on the town. A family wedding, a grandchild’s concert, or dinner out with a friend may seem impossible when you are in constant demand as a caregiver. Valley VNA offers a Night Out Caregiving Package just for occasions such as these. Your family member will be provided four hours of care, preparation of a nutritious meal, medication reminders, companionship, and tuck-in services. Meanwhile, you get a well-deserved break knowing your loved one is safe and comfortable. You might also consider the Out of Town Caregiving Package that covers three to four days of hourly assistance to around the clock care while you take a short sabbatical. If you like how these breaks re-energize you, consider setting a schedule for regular evenings or weekends away—something special to happily anticipate on your calendar for your own self-care.
• Prepare a list of things that need doing. The next time a person says, “Let me know how I can help,” suggest a few options from trimming the shrubs to preparing a weeknight meal or accompanying your loved one to a community activity. Let the “helper” choose what he or she would like to do from your list.
• Get regular consistent help with caregiving tasks like bathing and preparing meals. Just as you finish one day’s tasks, it starts all over again the next morning! Valley VNA’s Homemaking Program encompasses daily chores like meal prep, dishwashing, laundry, shopping and errands, and transportation to appointments and social activities. Choose from a menu of options and get only the services you need. The Personal Care Program helps in-home care clients with dressing, bathing and grooming, bathroom assistance and light exercise. Learn more about getting started.

We honor every person who shows his or her love and devotion to a family member in need of care. Now let us help you so you can stay healthy and happy in the midst of your busy schedule. Admit it, doesn’t that night out on the town sound grand? To learn more, please call (920) 727-5555. Then make that dinner reservation.

¹Shultz, Richard and Beach, Scott (1999). Caregiving as A Risk for Mortality: The Caregiver Health Effects Study. JAMA, December 15, 1999 – Vol. 282, No.23

By Kellie Smillie, Day Shift Manager, Valley VNA

It’s all the rage today, the value of “story” and the ability of storytelling to build empathy and engagement. But before marketers discovered the irresistible attraction of stories, families were already passing them around the dinner table or retelling family lore while relaxing in a lawn chair over a cold brew.

Stories do not need to be written down and illustrated to be worthy of retelling. A good story is just as valuable to the teller as the listener, especially if it’s shared in warm conversation, with room for thoughtful – or emotional – pauses of remembrance.

The next time you plan a visit to a friend or loved one who lives in an assisted living community, think about how to warmly elicit a story from him or her. It’s an honor to be asked, and an even bigger honor to be graced with listening. The three magic words are “Tell me about … , ” then fill in the blank, as in:

Tell me about …
● When you first saw the man you would marry (or the woman who would become your wife)
● When you joined the military (or your brothers/sisters went off to war)
● Your first job
● Your mother (or father), cousins or favorite grandparent
● What you did for fun as a teenager
● Where you lived when you were first married
● Your favorite car
● Your first job or early career
● What you liked to cook
● What downtown looked like when you were a child
● The church you attended as a youngster
● What it was like when you had your first baby
● What kind of chores you had as a child
● Your favorite radio or TV show

Listen closely to the words you hear and the wisdom that shines through via the backlight of your friend’s lifelong experience. Engage other family members in your quest to collect stories, and share what you learn at your next big family gathering. Bring young people into the room to hear your family history, and you may inspire a young person’s next imaginative art or literature project.

Are you interested in meeting the people who interact with our residents and get to know their individual stories? Please call (920) 727-5555 to learn more about the many ways we value each person’s life experience. We’d love to meet you – and learn about your story!

By Tiffany Seemeyer, Day Shift Manager, Valley VNA Senior Services

What do an old-fashioned toy, recipe cards, a tea set, a cheerful child, and a well-behaved pup have in common? According to experts, they’re all good things to consider bringing along with you on your visit to a loved one who lives in an assisted living community.

Visits can provide wonderful opportunities for bonding and learning from one another. Many of us avoid visiting our elders in their care settings because we fear awkward moments. Instead of delaying or avoiding your next visit, think about how to make the most of your visit for both of you:

Remember it’s not about you.

A long silence may feel uncomfortable, but set your own feelings aside and consider your time together as a gift to your loved one. Focus on enriching part of your relative’s or friend’s day at a difficult time of life.

Timing is important.

Call ahead to ask if you’re unsure about the best time of day for a visit. Sometimes sharing a meal can give you both something on which to focus. At Valley VNA, we can arrange to have meals prepared for guests. Just call (920) 727-5555 to make a reservation with our receptionist. Our chef appreciates 24-hour advance notice, and meal charges are typically applied to the resident’s monthly bill.

Share a warm greeting.

Sit down to talk at eye level, make eye contact, and share a warm hug or handclasp. Seek out the inner person you care about. He or she is still there, even if the outer package has changed considerably.

Tweak your communication style.

Raise your voice slightly, but don’t shout, which is actually harder to hear. Many older people rely on lip reading to help follow a conversation, so position yourself face-to-face and close enough to help. Move out of a room where a radio or TV is blaring.

Come prepared with a few springboard phrases beyond the weather and the food.

Look for topics in both the present and the past. Use phrases like, “Look what I found. . . .” Or “I’ve brought something you might like. . . .” This is when you pull out the old recipe card, photo, or toy. Babies and children can bring joy to a short (30-minute) visit. Older children who play an instrument can perform a short concert or share a special school or art project.

Go for a stroll.

Find the community’s garden or courtyard. Find a focal point, like a bird feeder, and start a discussion about it. Seek out the piano and play some music. Take a Sunday drive just for the scenery, without a particular destination in mind.

Give a gift of time.

Think twice before bringing a gift that may unnecessarily crowd your friend’s or loved one’s downsized living space. An entire box of sweets may be too much, so choose a small sample box. Consider putting some money into your loved one’s beauty or barber account, or buy a bird feeder or flowering shrub for the community’s garden. Remember, the gift of your time is the most precious.

Keep it serene.

Balloons, a birthday cake, and a crowd of 20 singing people may not be the best environment for your loved one to engage with his or her visitors. Plan multiple visits from one or two people to enjoy a quiet talk, hugs, and happy memories.

Don’t get intimidated by dementia.

You’ll need to be more patient with repetition and circular conversations, of course. But in some ways, this takes the pressure off: Find out what promotes a good time—music, looking at photos, a change of scenery—and run with it, visit after visit. Here are more tips from Rev. John McFadden, Valley VNA chaplain, on visiting people with dementia or Alzheimer’s.

We Take Reservations.

If a large group spontaneously takes over a common area without a reservation, it can be distressing to our residents. We’d much rather have a special room prepared just for you. To join your friend or family member for a meal in our dining room, or to reserve a room for a family gathering, simply call (920) 727-5555. We can also help you determine the best time of day to visit so you, your family, and your friend have the best visit possible. We look forward to meeting you!

By Rev. John McFadden, M.Div., Valley VNA chaplain

Last week I discussed the only form of friendship that is complete, put forth by Aristotle; that is, the friendship of virtue, a friendship whose goal is to help one another live good and ethical lives. A virtuous friendship is centered on genuine commitment to help one another become better people. We wish good for our friends, we seek to guard and protect them, we commit to spending time with them, we share common choices and decisions centered in our efforts to live virtuous lives, and we share in our friends’ joys and sorrows. In a virtuous friendship, we are not free to abandon our friends who journey into dementia.

Thoughts on Visiting a Friend with Alzheimer’s Disease or Dementia:

How can I be a virtuous friend to someone who no longer remembers the story of our friendship, a friend or family member who may no longer even recognize me by name or face? Here is a short list of tips, both actionable items and thoughts for further contemplation.

1. Dementia does not reduce our capacity to love, or our need to give that love expression in caring for others. Too often we regard elders as objects of pity; we assume that they can only be the recipients of care from others. Focus on ability rather than limitation.

2. Give our friends permission to enter into the world of confusion and memory loss. We should not greet them (often in an overly loud voice) with a string of questions. “Do you know who I am? What day is it? What did you have for breakfast?” Consciously or not, we are attempting to pull them back from memory loss and orient them to the cognitive universe they formerly inhabited. But in such efforts, we usually succeed only in creating anxiety and agitation.

3. To share in a virtuous friendship with someone experiencing dementia, we need to learn to be present to them emotionally in ways that bring them comfort, joy, and freedom from anxiety. Will your friend know who you are? Perhaps not, at least by name. But this does not mean that your friend does not know you as one who cares, and who brings comfort and pleasure.

4. Learn the practice of being in the present moment with your friend. Conversation may flit from topic to topic rapidly. The greatest joy of conversation with a dear friend lies not in the topics discussed, but in the emotional connection formed in the process. If wordfinding is a problem, rather than completing his sentence for him, it is more helpful to touch his arm softly and encourage him to take his time.

5. Because you have shared a common story with your friend, perhaps for many years, you know important things about your friend that he may no longer know about himself. Take a walk together and appreciate the goodness of the created order. Look through books of photographs or family albums. Do not engage in a game of twenty questions. Rather, ask: “What do you think she is doing?” Creativity and imagination can flourish within dementia.

6. There may be days where your friend does not receive you gladly, and your presence appears to cause agitation rather than pleasure. It likely has nothing to do with you; perhaps something happened earlier in the day that has left your friend in a distressed state. Accept this, and try another day.

7. Within the very real losses brought by dementia, those things that form the core of our personhood abide. You friend may occasionally deliver a “zinger” that takes you by surprise, and forces you to challenge the cultural assumption that your friend is now an “empty shell.” You will find yourself laughing with more abandon than you are accustomed to, because your friend’s joy is so deep and infectious. Your friend has much to give you and to teach you, especially the critical teaching that we are most fully alive when we slow down to live joyously in the present moment.

To learn more about our chaplaincy at Valley VNA, or to inquire about in-home care or assisted living for people experiencing Alzheimer’s Disease or dementia, please call (920) 727-5555. We offer a wide range of services and support for both seniors in need of care and their caregivers.