Moving mom or dad from your family’s home after decades of building memories and stacks of memorabilia can be overwhelming. There’s endless paperwork to get them situated in their new residence, an emotional farewell to a place that represents an irreplaceable part of their lives, and there’s all that stuff, stuff, stuff. The secret is to bite off small pieces in order of priority:

1. Find a safe place for your loved one to live.

Unless you are lucky enough to have preplanned this move with ease and intention, many families are forced to make the search in the midst of a crisis—quickly after a fall or medical emergency. A great starting point is the updated guide published by the Aging and Disability Resource Center in your area.

2. Involve your parents in the decision-making process as much as they are able and willing to participate.

Listen to their desires and talk about priorities. For example, it may be unreasonable to reject a place because of the view when the facility offers the level of care and enrichment activities that is essential to your loved one’s well-being.

3. In the beginning, pack only essentials.

Select only the clothing, linens, books, dishes, toiletries, medications, pictures, and furniture that are essential for the first two weeks in the new place. Do not begin by sorting an entire closet of sheets and towels at home; rather, take what you need and close the door. Think of it as suitcase packing versus box packing.

4. Consider hiring a mover that specializes in helping the elderly.

You’ll discover that they are especially warm and respectful to elders during an emotional time. Often, they can shrink wrap dresser drawers closed and move the entire piece intact, without packing and unpacking its contents. Ask your facility’s staff for referrals.

5. Put out a call to your family, extended family, and friends at church or work.

Ask them to send a card or note to your mom or dad at the new address so they have good mail to open upon their arrival. Encourage young children to include a colored picture or recent school photo.

6. Hang pictures in similar groupings at the new apartment.

Encourage a “brag wall” of children and grandchildren or mementos of a person’s career. Your parents will make new friends who will certainly ask about their family and work life.

7. After your parent is settled and safe, shift your attention to cleaning out the family home.

The process will proceed more smoothly without the worry about your parent’s safety or emotional distress. If you or your family members are not equipped to deal with this big project, inquire about hiring a senior move manager to help.

There are many more questions that will arise as you are choosing and moving your parents into a new residence. Please call Valley VNA at (920) 727-5555 to ask us about the process, recommendations, or referrals.

By Christy Feuerstahler, Valley VNA music coordinator

Music therapy for people with Alzheimer’s or dementia is powerful because a person’s rhythmic response is tied to the motor center of the brain that requires little or no cognitive or mental processing. It’s fair to say our human response to music, particularly drumming or singing, is almost primitive.

Researchers have shown that people with Alzheimer’s or dementia who engage in music therapy are often able to respond powerfully to music, even in the late stages of the disease. I’ve been playing or teaching music most of my life, and now I bring music into the gathering spaces at Valley VNA through some very special programs.

Lyrics & Laughter

Lyrics & Laughter is an offshoot of a program from the U.K. called Singing for the Brain. It’s a 45-60 minute participatory weekly music program for people with dementia that goes beyond passive listening to singing, instruments, and actions. We gather in a circle, and that cue helps focus our participants. What follows is a session of warm-ups, hello songs, rounds, rhythms, and thematic tunes in topics like the Old West, patriotism, or Irish folk tunes. Residents can join us every week, and community members can sign up for our special 6-week sessions for the general public. Caregivers enjoy sharing in the songs, too, because music is a fantastic way to bond with one another.

Music and Memory

Music and Memory is an iPod listening program developed for residents whose families have helped develop playlists of their favorite songs. It’s a very personal collection of songs that helps people in need of sensory stimulation. Earphone splitters allow a resident and a family member to experience the music together. We see people hold hands, dance, smile, sing, or simply get a sparkle in their eyes when their very special music starts. One time as I was sitting with an otherwise nonverbal resident, she heard her songs and began speaking to me, and even complimented the blouse I was wearing. Research shows that music can help elicit speech in people with advanced dementia, if even for a short time.

Choosing Tunes for Music & Memory

• Songs from the person’s young adult years, from about age 18-25, are the most likely to elicit engagement, such as dancing, toe-tapping, and happy facial expressions.
• People with late stage dementia often respond to childhood folk songs, especially sung in the language in which they were learned

Drum Circles

Our drum circles are a very good fit for people with Alzheimer’s and dementia who can tolerate the loud drumming because it taps into their rhythmic instinct. We have enough homemade drums for each person to join in.

Plug in into the Valley VNA music program. We welcome everyone to our community offerings. Simply call (920) 727-5555 to register or learn more.

By Renee Neumeyer, Valley VNA Business Development Director and Purple Angel Community Trainer

Did you know 70 percent of people with dementia live in their homes in their communities? A Purple Angel believes people with dementia and Alzheimer’s disease have an absolute right to enjoy a good quality of life and continued involvement in their local community so far as they are able and willing to do so. Stores, restaurants, and other businesses can be places of safety, compassion, and support for people who have these progressive diseases.

Business owners and employees become Purple Angel Aware when they invest in a short, insightful training session about customers and clients who may be experiencing the onset of dementia. The Purple Angel Awareness program was developed in the United Kingdom five years ago and has become a global effort to build dementia-friendly communities. The Fox Valley Memory Project is leading the charge in our local area, and Valley VNA is on the team, too.

I like to think of Purple Angel training as customer service at its finest. We want businesspeople to pause and think about those long-term customers that have been coming in for years—to the bank or the pharmacy or to buy a suit. When a person’s personality changes or she does something unexpected, be aware that she might be in the first stages of dementia. It’s like elder diversity training where we emphasize ways to be respectful, helpful, flexible, and patient.

Consider these tips and perspectives when working with older customers and clients who may have dementia or Alzheimer’s disease:

• Slow down. Instead of rapid-fire speech like “Coffee? Tea? Soda?” speak a bit more slowly so your customer has time to comprehend your questions. You will help him keep up, not become frustrated or anxious.
• Be patient. An older person might come into the bank and suddenly have difficulty balancing the household checkbook, something he has handled well for years. Take some extra time with him, and suggest you sit down in an office and go over it together. To help minimize confusion, you can draw a line at the bottom of his register, write in his balance and say, and say, “Let’s start here.” If a customer calls multiple times asking what her balance is, be pleasant and tell her.
• Be nonjudgmental. If someone opts to dress in a wool sweater on a hot summer day, she may be confused about the best clothing for the season. Don’t ask her if she’s hot in her winter sweater or remark on the strange combination she’s wearing. Ask if she’s comfortable, or if she’d like you to take her sweater for her and put it over the back of her chair.
• Be understanding. People with dementia often begin to lose their social filters; that is, they may say things that sound rude or harsh. Give them the benefit of the doubt and try not to take their comments personally.

Many people tell me after the training session they had an “ah-ha moment” because they now understand the changes they’ve been seeing in some of their customers. This is exactly the kind of awareness we are trying to build.

Take a short time out of your day to get trained as an angel. Someday we’ll all need one. This is your chance to be one.

Purple Angel Training Sessions

Businesspeople who complete a training session receive a Purple Angel decal and their names added as a participating establishment on the Fox Valley Memory Project’s web site. To inquire about future training sessions, please contact the Fox Valley Memory Project at www.foxvalleymemoryproject.org.

By Gina Sanders Larsen, guest

The knitting ladies, plus one rogue needle worker, meet every day on the second floor of the Valley VNA residence in front of the fireplace. I popped in recently because I heard they were story crafters on top of working their craft, and I happened to have a two-year-old cowl project that had gone so far south that I needed advice on how to turn it into a respectable infinity scarf. One must take these opportunities when they present themselves.

Beverly immediately had me fixated because she was chatting amiably while counting stitches on the decrease to a beautifully shaped toe of a sock. When knitting socks, they are made with a series of up to four simultaneously operating slim needles about the size and diameter of an ink cartridge inside a ballpoint pen. On top of the eyesight needed for such an operation, each stitch must be counted down to the tip of the toe, so as to finish with a smooth round dome, not an odd space for a sixth appendage. All the ladies were incredibly sharp—from their vision to their rather pointed critiques of each other’s projects.

The women had been notified of my pending arrival, but their advance research was a bit misdirected, as they had looked for my name in the Presbyterian church directory, not the Catholic. Nonetheless, my Great-Grandma Lydia Frieda May would have been tickled, because she liked to tell us little girls whenever she poured tea for the Presbyterian Ladies Aid and it was mentioned in the society pages of the Oconto Times. I was happy to be presumed Presbyterian for the day.

A short burst of panic ran through me as I saw each of the knitters with an “I Voted” sticker on her lapel. Had I missed my chance to vote? Valley VNA helps facilitate early voting by mail for local, state and national elections for residents who wish to participate. This explained the wide range of local school board candidate and district newsletters on the coffee table. Paper newsletters still have a place if you can practically guarantee 100 percent voter turnout from the knitting lady demographic.

Dorothy shared that she grew up on Sherry Street down where it ended at the Neenah slough. All that time along the slow-moving water meant she and her brothers and sisters often got wet and muddy. “Sometimes I tried to ice skate before the water froze over completely, and I’d come home with mud and grass stuck in my skate blades. That’s when I was busted. But we all survived, didn’t we?”

Assuming I was a first-rate journalist, Erma explained that her given name was Irma, but she couldn’t master a beautifully scripted capital “I” in grade school, so her teacher changed the spelling of her name to begin with an “E.” Good to know if I needed to run a fact check on her. Erma happens to be the longest continuous resident at Valley VNA at 17 years. She lives in the same apartment that she chose all those years ago and does most of her own cooking, although she did share with me that she often craves a McDonald’s double cheeseburger and a small Mountain Dew, no fries. She was kind when I asked her age, which led to a series of rocket-fire mental math equations so each of the seven ladies could name her age in relation to Erma, who is 98 years cool.

Helen joined us with her rollator walker and I immediately recognized her from pictures I had seen of the 2015 fall harvest in the VNA garden plot. She was the potato lady! “One day I saw a sprout on a potato in my cupboard, and I thought to myself, ‘Why can’t I plant that?’ So I took it down to the garden and planted it,” she said. She was razzed by the staff and her friends for planting potatoes on a whim, but ended up with a bumper crop of tubers just in time for her 102nd birthday. (Too bad Erma doesn’t like fries, right?) We discussed the recent reintroduction of blue potatoes on the heirloom potato scene and she expressed her wish to eat purple mashed potatoes next fall.

As so often happens in a group of women, talk turned to shopping. None of the ladies drive, so it’s difficult to get to Yarns by Design in Downtown Neenah, but many hoped to someday visit. Catalogs suffice for now. They wished for a bus to take them shopping at Fox Point (I didn’t have the heart to tell them the local mall moved west of the highway several years ago), and the freedom to linger in the lingerie department if the spirit moved them. Erma said, “No one wants a driver standing there looking at you when you shop for underwear.” Good point, I said. Dignity first.

In all fairness, the ladies have access to Dial-A-Ride for errands and special bus trips planned through one of the most fascinating enrichment programs this side of Lake Winnebago. (I want to enroll as a guest resident just to join the fun.) But I understood their desire to spend time in a department store like they used to, perusing the racks, but without a place to be or a meal to cook. They’ve earned it.

Millie, Erma, and Ruth were knitting dishcloths and Dorothy was making a scarf alongside Bev’s beautiful sock. Helen just stopped by to chat and Charlotte was sticking around until her visitor arrived. Aside from the younger Bev, every person was well into her nineties, or beyond, as in Helen’s case. The common thread amongst all of them was they’d each made the decision to move to Valley VNA when they still had choices, when all the opportunities to enjoy one another still exist and still matter. These times in front of the fireplace add spark to their lives and those of their visitors. I just soaked up their wisdom and humor, marveling at their navigation of life’s challenging maze of decisions. Good job, ladies. I really want to be a Valley VNA Knitting Lady when I grow up.

By Colleen Harvot, Director of In Home Care, Valley VNA Senior Services

One of our core missions is to help seniors stay happy and healthy in their own homes. Our home care teams have many options for assisting people, from housekeeping help to daily (or more) visits for help with bathing and meal preparation. We even provide companionship activities, including card games, hobby projects or community outings.

Often it’s a next door neighbor, Meals on Wheels delivery volunteer or even a postal carrier who first discovers a senior may need more help. As a neighbor, you’ve probably noticed that seniors tend to have regular routines. Does the elderly gentleman next door always pick up his newspaper from the front stoop by 8 a.m.? Why is it still outside at noon? If lights-out is usually at 9 p.m., why are the lights still on at 11 p.m.? Could someone be sick or hurt? If your dog is uncharacteristically barking, has someone fallen out in the yard? (I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve heard about dogs helping raise the alarm.) When something seems a little off, it may be time to take a careful look outside, call your neighbor or knock on the door.

Here are some tips for staying vigilant, but not intrusive, when caring for your neighbor’s well-being:

1. Write down his or her full name and phone number. You can always call the house to check on your neighbor, and if everything is fine, just say hello.

2. Get a phone number for your neighbor’s closest friend or family member. This can be as easy as introducing yourself to her as she gets out of the car on a regular visit and saying, “If I’m ever concerned about your mom (or dad or aunt), it would be nice to have your number.” Offer your name and number, too.

3. If you are able, offer to help unload groceries, shovel snow or mow the lawn. This is a great opportunity for young people to pitch in and help an elder. Your kids will puff up with pride when they do a good job, and a short visit from a polite young person has the potential to make your neighbor’s day.

4. If your neighbor’s family decides to get him or her an alert bracelet or necklace, you might be asked to be a first contact person. If you feel comfortable with this responsibility, consider accepting the invitation. You will most likely get a key to your neighbor’s house, and the telephone service will call you if he or she presses the emergency button and needs assistance. These services vary, but if you cannot respond (because you are at work or out of town), the service will have other options for getting help.

5. Set boundaries. You are not completely responsible for your neighbor’s health and well-being, but your observations and helpful deeds can be an added layer of safety and interaction. Call family members if you need them to step in and always call 911 in an emergency. Our police department is responsive and compassionate when making wellness checks in our community.

We’ll be sharing more research and information on how to help seniors stay happy and healthy in their own homes, from social interaction and nutrition, to medication management and personal care. Family, neighbors and professional caregivers can work together to come up with a safe and consistent care plan. It’s good to remember we really do “get by with a little help from our friends.”

If you are interested in learning more about being a good neighbor or our In-Home Care services, contact us.

Did You Know? 

Did you know our Home Care clients are welcome at our special events offered to residents at Valley VNA? A game of Price is Right, a celebrity chef demonstration, or a little live music can really hit the spot. Ask about caregiver outings when you contact me.  Colleen Harvot, Director of In Home Care, 920-727-5555.

Do you know someone with Alzheimer’s disease or another type of dementia? Chances are you do. There are an estimated 5.3 million Americans living with Alzheimer’s disease. The Purple Angel Dementia Awareness program aims to educate the community and local businesses about dementia and how to assist those with the disease.

The program helps support the principle that people living with dementia have the right to live a full life and continue to be involved in their communities. The program helps empower those living with the disease by offering awareness training to local businesses.

The Fox Valley Memory Project helps support the program in the Fox Valley area. Businesses and public institutions in the community are eligible to become Purple Angel aware certified. Employees go through training sessions to learn how to offer hospitality and support to individuals with memory loss, confusion or other dementia-related symptoms.

Any business can go through the training sessions to become certified. There are a variety of businesses already certified in the Fox Valley, including restaurants, cafes, grocery stores, libraries, schools and community centers.

Employees are trained on what dementia is and how to understand the disease. They are also trained in how to assist those with dementia, so individuals with the disease will feel supported in the public places around the community.

Once a business completes the training process, staff receives a purple angel to hang in the business’ window to let people know they are dementia aware. People with dementia and their caregivers can be assured the certified establishments will offer extra assistance if needed.

If you are interested in becoming a Purple Angel business, please call (920) 727-5555, or visit this page.